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Staff

Ian Cognito
Editor-in-Chief | Contributor

Born in the early 17th century in colonial Massachusetts, Ian Cognito has survived for nearly 4 centuries by violating the laws of man, god, and nature, for which he has been sentenced to prison, hell, and a Nobel Prize in physics, respectively. He has been credited with the invention of many things during his lifetime, including writing, the airplane, 4G LTE internet, and plagiarism. Ian Cognito’s mission at The Authority is to avoid taking on any real responsibility in life, and to instill in the reader a deep suspicion of the ISU Parking Division.

Felix Addler
Master of Ceremonies | Contributor

Why does one write? To wake the masses from the unending slumber of unthinking mediocrity.

Unfortunately, I exist in the cold confines of a simulation. I am the only being with a beating heart. Do simulated men dream of simulated sheep? Does it matter? My only respite from the unending despair of loneliness is to expose the truth about life at Iowa State University.

Wake up sheeple.

Annie Nonimous
Web Master | Token Female

Annie invented the internet for the sole purpose of having a method to disseminate breaking news to ISU as fast as possible. While her technical skills did get her in some hot water back in the inaugural year of this publication (1693) when she was put on trial for witchcraft, Annie kept her cool and rode out the situation relatively unscathed. Her current hobbies include ignoring "u up" texts from people she met in her COM S 228 lecture two years ago, actively avoiding fire, and Zumba.

Zark Muckerberg
Human Contributor

A noble sired by nobles or an alien lizard straight out of an ‘80s action movie? You decide. But with a fifteen-generation pedigree established by signet, the former is at least somewhat credible.

“From my pen knowledge shall flow in inexhaustible streams… babbling brooks and springs of truth shall flow from it: like a new star it shall illuminate the darkness of ignorance, and cause a light heretofore unknown to shine amongst men.”

Tobias Undergarder
Social Media Manager | Contributor

Conceived in the flames of hell, Tobias Undergarder has achieved a level of badassery never seen before. He uses his superior intellect to craft beautiful sonnets of news for your reading pleasure, and to keep the Ames Authority social media accounts at the pinnacle of entertainment.

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