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New Study Confirms That Hydro Flask™️ Owners Won’t Fucking Shut Up About Hydro Flasks™️

A new study published by the US Department of Health and Human Services confirms what many of us have known all along: owners of the popular Hydro Flask brand water bottles will not fucking shut up about how you can “put ice in it and 8 hours later there is still ice in it.” 

In a month long experiment, researchers catalogued volunteers’ every word using hidden microphones. They determined that the average Hydro Flask owner talks about Hydro Flask’s incredible thermodynamic properties nearly 98% of the time. 

According to researchers, conversations held by the subjects could often be confusing. The Hydro Flask users frequently attempted to bend the topic towards anything remotely related to Hydro Flask’s Innovative Honeycomb Technology or its Groundbreaking Stainless Steel Pivots. For example, one conversation recorded by researchers went like this:

Person 1: “I can’t believe I forgot that on the test! I’m so mad.”

Person 2: “The professor said there might be a curve right?”

Hydro Flask Owner: “I’m serious guys! I put hot coffee in here last Tuesday and it is still hot! You have got to get one.”

Hydro Flask could not be reached for comment.

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